A little Smile

I admit, I have been one who falls easily into the traps set for women in society today. Somehow, no matter what I do I can't ever be good enough for the industry, the ideal... Its not real and I know it, but I believe if you were to be honest some of those "I don't look like that..." thoughts have gone through just about everyones' mind.

I also admit, the recovery after giving birth to my little guy has been a longer road than expected (not including the gallbladder surgery I underwent 4 weeks after delivering him). My body is scarred, I have a pouch of skin that did not go back into place like I told it to, and exercise come as close to a near death experience as it could get (turns out, 9 months+ of not being able to do much means you should ease yourself into activity again...). This leads to a third confession. I am not as patient as I should be. With summer just around the corner and the weather promising to warm up soon (I think...) we have begun our spring cleaning and the seasonal clothing shifts have begun. However, last year around this time I was not pregnant yet... thus this time I have had to come to grips with the fact that I do not fit into many of my pre-preggo clothing yet... It doesn't help that there are times when all I feel like is a body to feed and rock to sleep (repeated 6 or 7 times a day).

Call it what you may, I have found myself in a little bit of a dissatisfied slump (despite the reassurances from a loving husband that I still look fabulous). Between what the industry tells me, and my own expectations it didn't matter that my poor body has gone through some tough times recently, I was stuck in disappointment.

Then one morning, a couple of weeks ago I went into the nursery to address the early morning feeding issue. Groggy, disgruntled, and half asleep I stumbled through the door and to my adorable little boy's crib. While saying his name I leaned over the rail to pick him up. In an instant he saw me, stopped crying, and gave me the purest, most-pleased-to-see-me smile I have ever seen. It made me pause and soak in that precious moment. Here was a little boy who has nothing but the purest love for me and he is not afraid to let me know it (especially when I've come to feed him.) It doesn't matter what my hair looks like or what clothes I wear (well as long as I'm still able to feed him...) to him I am perfect. To him I am the most beautiful, wonderful, special person in his life. He loves me for qualities that aren't so visual, and those are the qualities the industry tends to ignore.Yet those qualities are the most important and I am happy that I have a precious little soul who can teach me through his little smile that I have them.

I call it my morning smile and it is my favorite moment in my day. It makes everything else worth it. It makes everything a little easier to deal with. Its so special I don't have a picture to share, but I have one close. His smile melts hearts all over and now it can melt yours! :)