Grandma Alice

I have spent a year trying to write this very post. I have visited and written and re-written it so many times I have lost count. But it is important to post my feelings about my dear grandmother.

It is difficult to fully appreciate the significance and influence one person may have on another until they have passed from this life, leaving a void. I want to tell you about an incredible woman left an unexplained void in my life only a year ago.

Isn't she positively beautiful?!

My connection to her starts on my birthday. That's right, the day I was born. I have always been proud of the fact that I share my special day with my Grandmother. It is the reason that I have the privilege to share her name as well. My parents gave me her name as my middle name. When I was young, I felt that made me very special... and it does. Her legacy is one that I hope to live up to.

There are so many fond memories that run through my mind when I think about visiting her. She lived on a ranch. As a child you could not ask for a more magical place to visit. There were cats to hunt (since they were feral, it was a literal hunt for the kittens if I wanted to hold one, which I always did), ATVs to ride, and mountains to explore. Every night after dinner we would wash the dishes in the sink, then take the scraps out to "feed the chickens." That usually meant that I got to toss the feed everywhere and Grandma would collect the eggs (because those chickens were mean!). Then I would accompany her to the horse barn where I would climb on the hay bales and watch her lift those heavy loads of feed into their bins. I thought she must be the strongest woman in the world... and I still believe it.

There were always hummingbirds flitting from the feeders on the back porch, and adventures to be had everywhere you looked. It is a heaven on earth and that ranch has a special place in my heart. But what made that place so special was Grandma. So many times we would arrive there late at night, she would wait up for us, the heater would be on in the front room, and we would find her there waiting to welcome us home. Some times, despite the hour, we would stay up and chat or play a game of cards.

She was so gifted and talented in her ability to create beautiful things. She took up toll painting and painted beautiful things on plates that lined her living room. She also painted the grand kids special Christmas ornaments for years. They are still the ornaments that go on my tree today. They are beautiful and I know that she thought of me as she made them. I looked forward to those ornaments every year.

One of my favorite memories of my grandmother happened on a weekend that the horses got out through the gate. They made their way to the ponds, where we could see them from the porch. At that time, Grandma used an old golf cart to get around the ranch... When we saw the horses finding the greener grass on the other side, she got up and went out the door. All of the sudden, around the corner of the house we see Grandma on her golf cart. She drove around them and herded those two horses back through the fence with amazing speed and agility. I don't know if John Wayne could have done a better job, and it made it better that she was driving a golf cart.


She is an inspiration to me. She did not live an easy life. Hers was a journey of heartache and loneliness. Yet I didn't get the sense that she lived with self-pity nor did she seem to need (or want) help from everyone. She didn't wish for things to be better. She made things work for her, or she did without.

I never met my grandpa, he passed away long before I came around. I loved to have her tell me the story of how she met him. She always smiled a sly smile when she told me how she went to a dance with a another guy and left with "Bob." I like to think that their reunion was a sweet one, though she probably gave him a stern talking to about leaving her there for so long...

It was difficult for me to watch her body deteriorate over time. The difficult life she led left her body in pretty bad repair... She spent a long time in the nursing home in town. I remember when she was moved there because it was physically impossible to live on the ranch alone. I remember feeling like the woman in that room was not my grandmother. I hated to see such a free, independent spirit stuck in a bare hospital room... Her mind was sharp as a tack until the day she died. Her body just wouldn't comply... She had to adjust. And she did. That fiery lady I knew and loved came back. She eventually recovered enough to take trips to the town park and we would have to run to keep up with her motorized wheelchair. That time was full of all sorts of new kinds of memories.

Family was so very important to her. She loved each of her children so much I could see it in her face when she talked about them. Every inch of her wall was covered with of pictures of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She loved to point to each one and tell us about this baby or that event. And I will never forget the glow of joy on her face when she was able to go to the St. George temple to have her son sealed to her. I am so glad I got to be there for such a tender moment for her.

Brayden's first time to Kanab. We got a 4 generation picture there at the city park!

St. George Temple. Grandma was so happy, it made me cry. 

I learned from her that your story can be simple and less glamorous than the rest of the world consider great, but it is all about your family. She was a rock, a solid foundation for her family. A haven for those traveling (at least she was for me). She exemplifies strength, courage, wisdom, patience, unconditional love, all with a sense of humor wrapped up in one. She is my hero.

My ability to write does not do this amazing woman justice. I admire her and hope to live up to the legacy she left for me. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to know such an incredible woman, and I know the world is a better place because of the 91 1/2 years she spent in it.

I love her and I miss her so much. But I am so very grateful for the knowledge of eternal families. I am glad to know that I get to see her, meet my grandpa, and be with them again. And so I wish her all the blessings of heaven. Until we meet again dear Grandma Alice. Say hello to everyone for me!

xoxo
Jessica

Max

So much for a quiet (no press) passing for an old dog. It only seems fitting that I pay a tribute to man's best friend. I call him "puppy" even though he was old since when we got him all those years ago. I was in seventh grade on that fateful day in January. I came home from school to the surprise of the century...a dog sitting on the top of the stairs. We named him "Max" after the Grinch's dog... Just look at him...


He was the perfect size, didn't bark, and even smiled when he was happy... not just a hint of a smile, no, it was a big toothy grin. (We found ourselves explaining it to people who were meeting him for the first time. They usually thought he was about to bite... except the tail wagging...) He was a master beggar and if there was a possibility of a particle of food being dropped, he would follow it un-blinking and not daring to breath.

I accidentally trained him to jump into the tub and let me turn the shower on him when it was time for his bath. He sat there and shivered but he knew a good brush was coming afterward. 'Til the end, he would only put up with a bath if was me giving it to him. I know Dad always secretly hoped I would take him down to the tub when we visited. (sorry Dad...)

There were quite a few times I remember crying alone in my room. The door would open and there was Max. He would nuzzle his head under my hand and look up at me like he knew my pain."That awful high school drama. I hate when these things happen." There were countless walks around the block, a greeting from the stairs as we came home... and always a pile of golden hair on our clothes before we left the house.


In his old age, he could hardly see, smell, or move. We are convinced he possessed by our previously passed cat... and he steered clear of the kid as best as he could. It made me sad to see him like that, and so I pay tribute to the best "puppy" a girl could have asked for, but I do so with a smile because there's bound to be some smarties up in heaven... So long old friend. 

PS. I hope he chases that cat a little for all the tormenting he's been doing the past year...

Unplugged

Life has caught me underfoot and has swept me off my feet. In an attempt to gain control of my life again, I am taking a break from the busy world of social media. I am going to unplug for a while and give myself some time to focus on my house, my child, my husband, and my health. Not to mention preparing for the wonderful festivities of Christmas!.

Its time to re-evaluate my priorities, get things in order, and de-clutter my life. I need respite from the overwhelming noise that all these seemingly important obligations (that are not actually obligations...ie Facebook updates) constantly bombard me and my life.

Look for me soon. And wish me luck.

Day 9: The Roadrunner

We call our little blue car "The Roadrunner". Its blue, and its horn sounds a lot like the Warner Brother's cartoon. I put it to the test this morning as we embarked on our trek over the mountains to celebrate my Mother-in-law's birthday, and my Sis-in-law's opening weekend in the school play.

The storm blew in as we left. It was rainy, and I admit, a tad scary. But after we made it through the first canyon, we traveled ahead of the storm. It was slightly wet, but no more scary weather. But I am thankful for nice tires, a car that runs well, and God's protection. I am also grateful for the wonderful company I had for this trip. I am glad I had my sis-in-law to talk/giggle with. I just pray I can get back home...

Day 8: The Seasons

Ok, so this might sound random, but I LOVE the changing seasons. Especially the autumn. I love to feel that things are changing. It helps to motivate me to make changes in my life, for the better. The beauty of the world around me is stunning with each season. I love the flowering blossoms of spring, the green grass of summer, the colored mountainside in the fall, and the sparkling snow falling in winter. What an incredible gift, to enjoy all kinds of beauty that is constantly changing! Today I am thankful for crunchy leaves, crisp autumn air, and the faint whisper that winter is coming!

Day 7: Freedom

The miracle of the American Experiment is being tested and tried in the biggest election year, ever. What an amazing blessing to be able to have a say in how the government runs. I have the freedom to follow my dreams, change my mind, and think for myself. I can worship God in the way I choose, and   I have the right to believe the way I want. Freedom is an incredible gift. I am seriously so blessed.

Day 6: My Last Name + the People I Share it With.

Alright. So I feel that I may come off as a little brown-noser as I continue in my gratitude list. I felt it was a little too easy to say that I am grateful for my family. Family is the most important thing to me, as they help me to be the person I am and hope to be. There is so much to say about how grateful I am  to have the family I have. This includes my wonderful in-laws. 

I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into. They welcomed me with open arms, took me in as if I were a daughter of their own... as if I have been around the whole time.

I give a lot of credit to my mother-in-law who told my husband "not to give up on that Jessica girl" before we started dating. I was doing my best, but thanks to mother intuition my husband gave me another shot. So thanks, Mom. She always seems to have her head on straight, even when things are utter chaos around her. With 7 children, chaos happens more often than not... She is such a wonderful example to me. I have had only a short time to get to know her thus far, and I am so grateful for the times I have had to to get to know her on a one-on-one basis. She is an incredible woman and I hope that I can be more like her.

Papa LeBaron is so much fun to be around. He likes to have fun, make jokes, and keep everyone happy. He radiates love with all the tenderness of a big lovable teddy bear. He is so genuine, and kind though he will tease you if you aren't careful. I can't express how much his welcoming hug and "hello, pretty lady" mean to me when we come to visit. I am one of his daughters and he'll take me as I am. I am so grateful to him for that.

Man it is fun to have sisters! (I count the other married sis-in-laws with them.) I love to shop, talk, and craft with these fine young ladies. I the juicy details, the fashion advice, the homemade manicures. They welcomed me with open arms and let me in on the fun! I am grateful to feel that I belong, it means a lot to me.

The boys will be boys... and I wouldn't change that. They make the family gatherings fun, exciting, and entertaining... to say the least. Its is hard to describe how comforting it is having so many brothers around... They can take care of the bad guys. And I know they will.

I know, another wedding picture... don't judge me. Its hard to get this many people to stay still for a photo... 

PS. I have a really cute nephew too! I am grateful to have him to squeeze those little cheeks like good aunts do. (Its my duty. I think he would be disappointed if I didn't...)

Day 5: "Little" Brother

My brother and I have been pretty good friends all our lives... ok, so pretty much all our lives... there was that phase I went through that I wanted a cat instead, but it eventually passed...

What would I do without him? We have spent so much time in the car on our family trips, on our evening walks around the block with the dog... I missed him a lot this past summer when he was working away, even though we don't talk every day like we used to... I still missed him terribly.

I am so proud of him and the things he is doing! He is so talented at music, he is smart, funny, and genuine. He is a good guy, who is learning who he wants to be. I see great potential and promise in him. I hope he does too.

I wish I was more eloquent in describing just how important he is to me... So to him (if he reads this... or this could be a little awkward...) I am so grateful that you stuck around with me. I am grateful for the life-long friend I have by my side. Even though you are WAY taller than me... I love you, bro. Please, always remember that. :)

PS. I look totally ridiculous in this picture. But I like this one of my brother... :)

Day 4: Pork Chops + Pea Gravy

One of the best meals there is. YUM! And we got to eat it tonight! I am grateful for the meal that I got to share with my family, and for the yummy-ness that was shared, but this post isn't exactly about pork chops... despite them being oh-so-delicious...

I have the best parents in the world. I know some people might beg to differ... but I seriously do not know how you can possibly do better than mine. They may tell me later that I am their daughter, so I have to say nice things... but it is true. They will have to see reason some day.

My mother is one of the strongest women I know. She is a worrier, and she tends to worry about other people and their needs. She wants this life to be the best it can be for everyone around her, and she tries not to make a fuss when attention is turned to her. (She may be mad at me later for this...) She took on a lot to take care of her own mother. I watched her as she tried to juggle work, taking care of Grandma, and taking care of Dad. She worried about her sisters too. My mom is a rock, she is dependable, loving, and likes to spoil her only grandson. *wink* She takes care of me and does her best to make sure I have my needs met. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I love and adore her. I want to be like her.

My father is... nothing short of absolutely amazing. I couldn't ask for a better man to be so involved in my life. He has a heart of gold, a sense of humor, and a way of writing that makes everything right with the world. He raised my brother and I on the classics. Rocky Raccoon, Jeremiah was a Bullfrog, American Pie... our bedtime songs literally rocked. I have fond memories of road trips to and from Kanab listening to the "Caffeine" CD and answering the "who sings this song?" question. (Which by the way, is a trick question... he usually asked when it was actually Who singing...) My dad is a super hero. He knows what to say, when to say it, and how to take control of a situation to make it better. He is so strong, so kind, so happy. I know everything is going to be alright when he is around... even when it might not be...

It is difficult to put into words the love and admiration I have for my dear parents. I am grateful to have them as a major part of my life, even now, as my own family begins and grows. I would have it no other way! So to them I say: I am grateful that you are you, that you are my parents, and that I can have you around for many more adventures! I love you!

PS. I know its a picture of my wedding day... surprisingly I don't have many pictures with them both in it... that will have to be fixed...

Day 3: Little Man

It would not be right for anything but my Little Man to come next in my list of things I am grateful for. He is my whole world. He brings such joy in to the lives of those around him. He is such a good kid. He doesn't fuss much (when other people are around), he has such a happy disposition, and a cute little personality to go along with such a cute little guy!

Being a mother is better than I ever thought it could be. Even on the days when I call my mom apologizing for screaming at her all day... the love I have for my Little Man cannot be matched by anything. Nothing can deter me from caring about his every wish. I see it as a glimpse into the love that God has for me... and it humbles me to feel it only strengthen.

Pound it Mom! 

I am so grateful for my Little Man. May we have all sorts of adventures together!

Day 2: True Love

I married a perfect fit. We compliment each other in ways I never thought possible before I met him. How did I get along without him for so long? It has only been 3 years, and yet I find it difficult to remember life before him...

He is my Superman. He is kind, friendly, and patient. He loves me on the days that are less-than-the-best... He is a hard worker, a faithful priesthood holder, and he is always up for a good laugh. He is strong, gentile, and willing to help me in any way he can. 

He supports me in my duties as wife and mother, in my dreams and ambitions, and in my personal issues. He encourages me to improve myself and really believes that I am beautiful. A girl can get spoiled... 

He is a great father. I love to watch him play and interact with the Little Man. He is the fun one, we all know it. I love it. 

To the love of my life. I am so grateful you are with me! 

Day 1: Testimony

November is the month of gratitude. I wanted to celebrate this year by recording something I am grateful for each day. Today I am grateful for my testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It brings strength and comfort to me in all aspects of my life, and never fails me when times get tough.

I believe that God speaks to his living prophets today. We can learn from them and consider the words they say to be directly from God. I am grateful to have living prophets.

I believe that God speaks to me through revelation and his holy spirit in regards to  my own personal life. I am a child of God, and I am known personally by him. He loves me and cares enough about me that I can address things in my life and he will listen, and he will answer my questions. I am grateful for revelation and for prayers.

I believe in a life after death. Those we lose in this life have only stepped beyond the veil to continue on their eternal journey. We will be reunited with our loved ones again someday. The mourning we have here for our deceased friends and family is sad, only because we miss them. They are not lost, but waiting. We shall all live together again. This is possible through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am grateful for this knowledge.

I believe that family is forever. I am sealed to my husband for eternity. I can continue to progress throughout the rest of time... It is through the blessings received through temple ordinances that this perspective is possible. I am grateful for temples, for an eternal perspective, and for the knowledge and comfort this can (and has) brought to my life.

I am grateful for the values and standards that I have committed to. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For this, I am grateful.

Little Star Babies

Does the moon love her little star babies?

It is difficult to describe one's thoughts and feelings on days like today. It has been a difficult couple of months to watch as my decently healthy-albeit-almost-90-year-old grandmother seemed to fade after a stroke left her without the full function of her mortal body... It has been the craziest of roller coaster rides as she improved with a lot of promise before slipping away again. There were times near the end that we could catch glimpses of that spectacular lady there. A wry little smile, a twinkle in those eyes, the abhorrence of the blue fingernail polish a nurse so kindly painted on her fingernails...

This morning she answered the final call home. Peaceful was the way it was described to me. And she was a lady who wouldn't have it any other way. I don't recall her voice ever getting very loud... there was always a sweet smile on that beautiful face.

Why is it so difficult to put into words how much you can love and adore someone so special? She was kind to everyone, patient, selfless, humble, with a sense of humor that kept you on your toes. She loved everyone and you always knew that she would remember your special days, that she was proud of your accomplishments, and the love from her would always be unconditional. She is one of the best examples of a Christ-like person I have ever met.

I always loved to go to Grandma's house. Her freezer was always stalked with ice cream sandwiches, dove bars, or Popsicles and there were always crackers in the cookie jar. She would let me play with her special figurines and her little cast iron stove. Grandma made me meatloaf, and taught me that lemon juice is the best way to eat broccoli. I loved her pearl necklaces and the fun toys she kept for the grand-kids in the bottom drawer of the dresser. She would sing to me as I fell asleep. I remember those lullabies and feel warm and safe when I hear them again. "Does the moon mama love her start babies..." She read to me from her old story books and had a record player that you could read along with and turn the pages with each "ding."

I was so excited to share my life with her because I knew she genuinely cared. When I was asked to the Jr. Prom, I asked my date if it would be okay to go see her before the dance. I was so proud to share that moment with my grandma and I feel that she appreciated it a little bit too. I know she has attended hundreds of programs and talks, missionary farewells & homecomings, baptisms, birthday parties, weddings, and the like. Her grandchildren were special to her (and her great-grandchildren too!) and we all know it.

She was an incredible example of selfless service to me. I didn't fully appreciate just how much she did for my grandpa before he passed almost fourteen years ago... but in recent years I have learned just how much she cared for and loved my grandpa. What a special lady. I cannot help but smile to think of her long awaited reunion with the man of her dreams. It brings a lot of comfort to know all is right with her now. I do wish I took the time to spend more time with her, but cherish the time I did get. Not one of my memories of her is unpleasant. This post really doesn't do her justice...

How grateful I am for the testimony I have of the truths of eternal families. Families are sealed together for eternity and through the Savior, Jesus Christ we can re-unite with our loved ones who have passed through the veil before us. I know I will see my beautiful grandmother again. This brings me great peace in the midst of lonely tears. I look forward to that day.

I love you Grandma. Thank you for all you have taught me, and continue to teach me through your incredible legacy. I miss you. Say hello to Grandpa for me. Until we meet again.

xoxo

Jessica

Time Sure Flies!

My little man is not so little anymore. 18 months. Where did the time go? Well, it went toward crawling around the house, learning to walk, and running around the house. We spent a lot of time making random animal noises and doing funny little dances. Plenty of time went to playing with cars, balls, and stuffed animals. 100s of stories read, thousands of pages turned, and Veggie Tales has been watched more than once.

Where are we now at 18 months?

24 lbs, 32 inches. Taller than average.

He can also slide down slides mostly by himself, loves to swing, and will occasionally give kisses to a select few... High-fives (and the famous fist-bump) are passed around and we are still very into clapping for ourselves. And we finally have all of our teeth (which we love to brush, its our favorite part of our daily routines)! He eats almost anything (as long as it looks like we are eating it too)... including the curried chicken I made last night... I am so proud!

Words + English translation:

"Ma"- Mom

"Da"- Dad

"Am-mam"- Amen

"ba"- ball

"Ca"- car

most recently "Mo"- more and "og-gog"- hot dog (can you tell what his favorite lunch is? yep, hot dog and cottage cheese.)

Animal sounds include: cat, dog, cow, horse, pig, duck, sheep, chicken, bird, elephant, tiger, bear, monkey.  

Interests include: Cars, Lightning McQueen, turning the TV on, climbing, coloring in our coloring book, throwing anything that seems it should fly, and drinking water from a cup. 

Tantrums include head banging on any hard surface available and collapsing on the floor, but luckily he seems to be getting that it hurts more than he wants it to...

I have always heard the cliche "enjoy them now because they grow up so fast"... but I understand it better with every day that goes by. Time sure flies! Love my little man!

Thanks for letting me brag a bit!

Lessons Learned: Moving

Funny thing about renting... your landlord has considerable amount of control over your life... our landlord decided to sell the duplex we have lived in for almost 3 years now. As it turns out, the new owners would like to move in. And it would be terribly crowded if we were still there... Thus our search for a new place to live began.  It has been an interesting journey for me. We have lived in that little duplex since we got married. The appraisers, inspectors, real estate agents, prospective buyers, appliance guys, and every other stranger you could think of has come through to look at my little piece of life...

We didn't move far, but we did change cities. And we still had to pack all of our stuff... Our new place is another duplex, but it is not on a busy road and has a fenced back yard for my little guy to play in safely. The added bonus is the raspberry bush and the pear tree! :)

We are sad to leave our old place. We lived there ever since we got married. A lot of our "firsts" were there. Our first job change, our first baby, his first steps, first Christmas... This new chapter of ours is scary, exciting, and new. I cannot believe we have already been here at our new place for a week! There are still boxes everywhere, but we are almost ready to have people come over... almost...

I have learned a lot through the process of moving and thought I would share some of the more... helpful lessons I have learned.

1. Attitude is everything. Moving can be a chore or an exciting new adventure. Once I decided to make it the latter of the two, things got so much easier.

2. There are a lot of places where you should change your address...After living in the same place for almost 3 years we have accumulated a few things that have our address on it...More than I thought. I took some time to compile a list of all the places that are suggested that you make sure your address has changed. I used it as a checklist for us (even though there are more on the list than we needed for now. It will be helpful next time we move too.) If you are interested in my list you can see it here.

3. Boxes can be found for free, just about anywhere. Call the grocery stores in your area to find out what time they get their produce. Then meet them there to haul away their boxes. (It was early in the morning for us.) The liquor store has sturdy boxes with separators that are perfect for things like glasses, glass jars, soaps/shampoos, etc. And I was even told that you can check behind stores like ROSS and TJMaxx because their boxes aren't dirty, but still sturdy.

4. Purchasing real packing tape goes a long way... when your boxes hold together it makes the process a whole lot easier...

5. The dollar store is a great place to find cleaning supplies that you can throw away when you are finished cleaning.

6. Unpack the kid's room first... arrange it as close to normal as possible. The more comfortable he is, the more sleep we all get.

7. Make sure the utilities are switched before you move... especially the gas... no gas= no hot water... and a cold shower after a long day of moving is not ideal, though it is refreshing.

8. When unpacking it is important to keep an open mind regarding where your stuff should go. If it isn't terribly useful, get rid of it. Otherwise, creativity can be your best friend as you fit your stuff into a new place.

9. Bins are your best friend. (As are diaper boxes.)

10. Plan on spending more money than usual on food... cooking becomes a thing of the past as you pack and clean (especially after you pack your kitchen...) so eating out is a easy solution. But what I didn't count on was the few days after the move when my kitchen was still in boxes... Thanks to our wonderful family members for taking care us!

11. Now that I live in a place with no AC my creativity in cooking has had to rise to the challenge. What things can I make for my family, that do not heat up the house? I have crock pot, rice cooker, electric griddle, microwave are all options for heating food... salads and smoothies help keep things cool. More on those adventures in detail over at What's Cookin'?

12. Take it and run with it. A move is like a new beginning, with new opportunities to become more like the person you want to be. Change will happen. Why not make it for the better?

I am sure this adventure will be a great for us. We are closing a chapter in our lives and are opening a new one as we situate ourselves in this new place, new neighborhood, and new start! Wish us luck!

Deborah

Coincidence? It was too perfect for that."Divine intervention seems to fit the bill today... I'd like to call it a "tender mercy," but honestly, it wasn't so tender today... merciful? Probably. What on earth am I talking about? Well, where do I begin?

This particular intervention has come over the past few weeks. My most amazing friend invited me to attend a class at the local institute with her for the summer "semester." Anyone is welcome to register, so we decided we would take "Women in the Scriptures" together. What a blessing this has been in my life. I owe a lot to that dear friend... (more than just this I assure you.)

I have learned a lot already in this class. The past few classes we have talked about trials and how we can make it through them by reading the examples of these incredible women. Today we talked about Deborah the judge of Ephraim (Judges 18-25 roughly). What an interesting story. I seriously does make a great read... but the message was for me today, and I didn't even know it yet. 

The class ended in the early afternoon. My mother was willing to watch Brayden which allowed me to give my full attention to the message. We discussed how Deborah was sought for her wisdom and faith in God. She addressed Barak with a question, calling him out. When he told her that he would go to war if she would come with him, she said, "surely I will go..." She knew that God would deliver their enemies to them should they remain righteous. 

What an incredible faith. She showed immense support to Barak in his time of need. As a wife I can provide that same type of support and faith for my husband. I can remind him that God will take care of us, even if it looks like we are outnumbered (so to speak).  It was an uplifting class (as usual) and my friend and I discussed it (among other things) on our way home. 

A few hours later I received some... less-than-exciting news from my husband. Initially... I was less than Deborah-like. I retaliated with a bit of anger (I admit it). But after having a little while to cool off, the lesson from earlier today kept going through my head. I realized that this stress was worse for my poor husband who was trying to decide whether or not "to go to battle" (figuratively, of course). He needed a Deborah and God knew that, I knew that. And so... am I a modern day Deborah? I sure hope so... at least a little more than yesterday... 

Thanks be to God for the many blessings in my life. Thanks to a strong and courageous husband, father, and patriarch of our home. These two men are my providers and will forever be.

Bittersweet

Our landlords have officially sold our duplex to a nice couple about our age. The couple has now officially decided that they are going to move in to our side of the duplex and rent the other side. Unfortunately, the other side is not built for a family... more of a newlywed couple space and therefore is too small for our (mostly our little guy) needs. Naturally, that means we get to move.

It has been a roller coaster of emotion. The first initial panic and desperate confusion of finding out we were being uprooted without having a say in the matter. The over zealous excitement that we could move away from the problems this house has tormented me with the last little while. The irritation of having strangers come through my house to see it, and the demolition of my plants in the garden (a story that still irritates me a little). The exhaustion of spending 12 hours looking at different apartments around the valley trying to find a place that we can fit into, expand our family, and still afford... The stress of the looming move as we need to be out by August 1st.

Now we are starting to finally feel good about the eventual move. We have been calmed by that ever abiding spirit that we are being directed and guided toward what is best for our family in our next steps in life. We found a couple of places we like (and in our price range which is a feat!) and we are slowly picking up steam in our excitement at the prospect of a little (much needed) change.

Bitter? Yes. We love the people in our ward here. We love the strength that the students around here exhibit as they themselves experience what we are going through. I like having people who can relate to me and my situation because they are going through it too... right now! Not to mention there is so much love here. We have been in this house since we got married. This has been our life for almost 3 years now. We are comfortable and there is security in that. So today I am sad. Sad that I have to leave my beloved ward members. But I hope that I can still stay in touch with as many as I can. (I hope they will still invite me to join them in their interest groups too!)

The unknown is scary, but exciting. I know the Lord is guiding us, I just wish he could have let me know a little earlier, then again, maybe springing it on me was for the best too...

We still don't know where we will be moving to, but I will try to keep everyone updated as things progress. Much love!

Life is Good.

There is so much to be happy about. There is so much beauty in the world. I find it tempting to focus on the horrible things happening around us. The charred mountainside and smoky air. It can be difficult at times to keep an eye open to the positive. That is one reason I admire my husband so much. He always has a keen sense of the "silver lining."

But I have been reminded... again... of the beauty that this world has for us. The sun shinning through the window, the bird's serenade in the cool of the morning. A slight mountain breeze teasing my curls gently as I chase my darling little boy. Fresh air this weekend. Quiet, natural beauty.

Life is Good. What more can I say?

Post-baby Pointers

I was asked a few weeks ago to talk about how my relationship has changed with my husband since having a baby. Little Man is one of the oldest children in the ward (yes, married students). I gave my little spiel at a Relief Society activity brunch. It was difficult for me to know what to say... its hard to pin-point exactly what has changed, how it has changed, and make it coherent enough that someone else can understand. I worked it over in my head and it came out a little differently on paper. But I thought it turned out rather well, considering...

I do not claim to know much about this whole motherhood thing. And I certainly do not claim that we have it all together (because we don't). But I decided that I wanted to be real, and honest in how I have felt, and what has happened in our experience. It isn't the same for everyone. In fact, it is actually different for everyone in their specific and wonderfully special circumstances. I thought that I would share my pointers with anyone who cares to read it.

1.       Have patience through the tough days. It may look bleak, but it doesn’t actually last as long as we think it will.

2.       Communicate, communicate, communicate. It is the key to keeping you and your spouse happy and on the same page. When you both know what is going on, it is easier to work together.

3.       Each experience is different. Embrace the joys, endure the challenges, and enjoy each and every day, because (cliche or not) they fly by and you will wonder how your baby grew so fast and where they all went.

4.       Be deliberate in your romance. Put dating back on the top of your priorities. Even if you don’t have a baby, if your relationship isn’t the first on your priorities, change it.

5.       It is important to get dressed every day. It seems like a silly thing, but it is so much easier to not care, throw on some sweats and go about the day. But I always feel much better about myself if I have put a little time and care into how I look that day. I am more confident, productive, and happy because I look and feel good.

6.       “Mommy guilt” is a very real thing. Remember that it is alright to take care of yourself. After you make sure your baby will be safe, it is alright to take the time to take a shower and get ready, even if he (or she) is crying. Take a break from your husband and child and go do something that you love. Your relationship with your spouse will be better for it, I promise.

7.       Finally, remember that you are not alone in this life. Heavenly Father loves you as his precious daughter. You are beautiful to him and to your husband. You are surrounded by a wonderful network of women who want to be there to support, encourage, and uplift you. Hold to that rod and put your faith in Christ and you will not fail.

And I really believe it. 

Father

I have been incredibly blessed to belong to a family with such an incredible father. He has taught me so much over the years it is hard to put to words just how much I love and adore him. Nevertheless, I shall do my best.

Daddy taught me important things like how to play baseball, that lying is wrong, that I should always respect and love my mother as much as he does, and to respect the classics like Pink Floyd, the Beatles, etc. He helped me to understand that I am an individual who is capable of doing difficult things, he encouraged me to shoot for the stars, and supported me in my hobbies and interests as I grew and developed. He taught me how to laugh at life and not take anything too seriously. He patiently helped me through my math books, corrected English assignments, and expected academic excellence.

Dad has a sense of humor and I love that about him. My very first date was to Prom. I'll never forget the sight of him sitting on the couch, with a rifle perched by his foot, falling asleep while he waited for my date to arrive. He told me I looked beautiful. That always meant a lot to me.

He has always been there to answer my questions, to comfort me, and to provide the power of the priesthood when I have needed it. I am grateful to have had a father that lived his beliefs and showed us by example how to live a life righteously.

Thanks Dad, for all the night-time songs, for all the dances, for all the laughs. Thanks for the road trips, the campfires, and the walks to the creek and back. Thanks for your love, your kindness, your wisdom, and your testimony. I love you will all my heart! You are the best Daddy in the world!