Post-baby Pointers

I was asked a few weeks ago to talk about how my relationship has changed with my husband since having a baby. Little Man is one of the oldest children in the ward (yes, married students). I gave my little spiel at a Relief Society activity brunch. It was difficult for me to know what to say... its hard to pin-point exactly what has changed, how it has changed, and make it coherent enough that someone else can understand. I worked it over in my head and it came out a little differently on paper. But I thought it turned out rather well, considering...

I do not claim to know much about this whole motherhood thing. And I certainly do not claim that we have it all together (because we don't). But I decided that I wanted to be real, and honest in how I have felt, and what has happened in our experience. It isn't the same for everyone. In fact, it is actually different for everyone in their specific and wonderfully special circumstances. I thought that I would share my pointers with anyone who cares to read it.

1.       Have patience through the tough days. It may look bleak, but it doesn’t actually last as long as we think it will.

2.       Communicate, communicate, communicate. It is the key to keeping you and your spouse happy and on the same page. When you both know what is going on, it is easier to work together.

3.       Each experience is different. Embrace the joys, endure the challenges, and enjoy each and every day, because (cliche or not) they fly by and you will wonder how your baby grew so fast and where they all went.

4.       Be deliberate in your romance. Put dating back on the top of your priorities. Even if you don’t have a baby, if your relationship isn’t the first on your priorities, change it.

5.       It is important to get dressed every day. It seems like a silly thing, but it is so much easier to not care, throw on some sweats and go about the day. But I always feel much better about myself if I have put a little time and care into how I look that day. I am more confident, productive, and happy because I look and feel good.

6.       “Mommy guilt” is a very real thing. Remember that it is alright to take care of yourself. After you make sure your baby will be safe, it is alright to take the time to take a shower and get ready, even if he (or she) is crying. Take a break from your husband and child and go do something that you love. Your relationship with your spouse will be better for it, I promise.

7.       Finally, remember that you are not alone in this life. Heavenly Father loves you as his precious daughter. You are beautiful to him and to your husband. You are surrounded by a wonderful network of women who want to be there to support, encourage, and uplift you. Hold to that rod and put your faith in Christ and you will not fail.

And I really believe it.